Meet your inner perfectionist
Mine makes me sweaty.
Hidden Parts is a newsletter and podcast about the inner work that makes creative liberation possible. It’s for the dreamers, builders, and feelers who are done with achievement culture and want to live and work from their full, complicated, powerful selves. Learn more about Hidden Parts and me, Tracy Candido, here.
Welcome to the Protective Parts series: a deep dive into the inner voices that tend to show up right when you’re onto something big. These are your protective parts, the little voices in your mind that hit the brakes when things feel risky or uncertain. Over the next several weeks, we’ll meet some of the most common ones—from the Perfectionist to the Procrastinator—so you can start exploring your inner system one step at a time.
This week, we’re starting with one of the most familiar protector parts: the Perfectionist.
I know my Perfectionist has a hold on me when I’m working on something creative and I start sweating.
I have a sweet spot when it comes to creating. My project has to be something I would genuinely want to consume if someone else made it, so that means it has to be dynamic, useful but weird and quirky, and it has to help people think in new ways.
My secret sauce to hitting that creative sweet spot is letting go. Letting go of researching what everyone else is making. Letting go of how I should present it on social. Letting go of organizing it all into a spreadsheet. Once I hit the spreadsheet phase, I know I’m no longer working on the project. I’ve left the dreamy, open, connected part of myself adrift and handed my Perfectionist the wheel.
One day while recording a podcast episode, I got stuck in a Perfectionist loop. A little voice in my mind told me I was sounding flat, uninspired. So I recorded the whole episode again. And again. And AGAIN. I was sweating. Hot, tingly, wide-eyed.
I’ve worked hard not to give in to the Perfectionist. I can feel it physically, in a spot on the back of my neck, and when it gets ahold of me makes my shoulders tense up. Its usual phrase is something like: “What if this could be better? You are capable of excellence, so why not strive for that right now? You need to get this just right, so keep going until it’s exactly that.”
My Perfectionist is protecting me from rejection and is shielding me from a fear I have of seeming mediocre. On the one hand, it shares my value of impact, making amazing things that really resonates and helps people. But it can run that value on overdrive, causing me to feel that I am not enough. It’s a trickster. It keeps moving the “enough” goal post so I will never win its game.
I’m susceptible to being glamoured by it but now I am aware of its usual patterns. Once I realize it’s hypnotizing me, I can say “no,” and call in a different part of me that is more nourishing of my goals. That’s when the Perfectionist recedes and I’m able to get back on track.
What’s a protector part?
Each week in this series, we’re getting to know a different protector part–internal voices formed early to help you feel loved or accepted and keep you safe from painful emotions like shame, embarrassment, or rejection. These parts often show up in moments of opportunity: a creative leap, a new role, a difficult conversation. To your nervous system, these moments can register as potential threats, so your protectors jump in to shield you from discomfort. They’re trying to help, based on what once worked. But while they may have served you in the past, they can also keep you stuck in cycles that no longer support the life you're trying to build.
These parts aren’t bad. They don’t need to be silenced because they have something to tell you. When you learn to listen to them, you can interrupt the unhelpful patterns they perpetuate. You can get curious about what they’re afraid of and choose whether another part of you, one that’s more aligned with who you are now, is better equipped to lead.
The Perfectionist
The Perfectionist is a familiar protector part for many creative, visionary people. It tends to show up when you’re making something, especially something bold or personal, and wants to get your idea just right.
The Perfectionist shows up for one of my clients in a way that is really paralyzing. Her Perfectionist part tells her that if something can’t be perfect, it’s not worth doing. A few clients have told me that their Perfectionist shows up when the reality of their project doesn’t match up with the vision they have in their minds, so they keep toiling away in service of this perfect ideal. Another client has reflected that anything less than perfect is a big mistake, and making mistakes makes them feel shameful.
Sometimes the Perfectionist is so cunning that people build their whole careers and reputation around it. It fuels their drive and ambition, and the external validation they seek is just energy for their Perfectionist. But over time, it might become clear that this part does not have their bigger goals in mind.
Maybe some of these stories sound familiar. How does your Perfectionist show up for you?
Your Perfectionist might say:
“If we don’t get this right, it will all fall apart.”
“You only get one shot, don’t blow it.”
“They’re expecting more. Do it again.”
”This isn’t right, start over.”
“You’re not ready yet. Do more research.”
“You should have done better.”
When the Perfectionist is running the show, you may:
Over-research, over-plan, or never feel “ready” to begin
Fear visibility or feedback
Micromanage your work or others’ work
Feel drained, anxious, or stuck in delay loops
Struggle to feel pride or satisfaction, even after success
Your Perfectionist was developed at a young age as a way to get love or stay safe. This part is trying to protect you from feeling uncomfortable or painful emotions. The Perfectionist sees these emotions as too risky. But it’s also holding you back from flow, joy and momentum.
And here’s the paradox: The Perfectionist's rigid control is the opposite of how creativity actually works. Creative energy is non-linear, intuitive, experimental, and iterative. Your Perfectionist part is the perfect wrench in the creative system. It fears your expansiveness, so it shuts it down.
But your Perfectionist part does not have to steer the ship of your life. You can learn to turn down its volume.
How to soften its grip
Reflect on your Perfectionist for 5 minutes. Free write in a notebook. Set a timer if you’d like.
Prompts:
When does perfectionism usually show up for you?
How do you feel when you get in a perfectionism loop?
Where do you feel that sensation in your body?
If that sensation had a voice, what would it say?
Who is your Perfectionist? Do they have a shape, sound, or an energy?
Try a micro-move:
If you notice you’re getting stuck in a perfectionism loop, your Perfectionist might be close at hand.
You could speak to the Perfectionist. What would you like it to know?
You could do something concrete that isn’t perfect (i.e. sending the email without over-editing, share the sketch, leave the dishes in the sink)
You could write a song dedicated to your Perfectionist part telling them what you think about them
You could create a mantra to turn the volume down on your Perfectionist (i.e. “who knows what is good or bad?”)
You could write a page of gratitude for your Perfectionist, thanking them but releasing them from duty
You could draw the image of the Perfectionist you see in your mind
You could imagine them doing something else to occupy them (i.e. alphabetizing your medicine cabinet)
Or something else!
Call the Hotline
Do you know your Inner Perfectionist?
What does yours say to you when things feel uncertain?
Reply and tell me! I’d love to hear how this part shows up in your world.
Next week, we’ll meet a close cousin: The Procrastinator.
Until then, remember! Your perfectionist part is trying to help you but hasn’t gotten the memo on what help actually means to you. It doesn’t have to drive the bus of your life. This is your invitation to let it know.
Are you curious about your own Perfectionist part? I offer 1:1 clarity sessions and 3-month coaching programs for folks that want to use my hidden parts method along with practical strategies to get unstuck in their work and lives. Schedule a free 30-min intro session to see what might be right for you.
Or listen to the Hidden Parts podcast to start decoding your mental chatter to see which inner voice has been leading you. When you subscribe to the Hidden Parts Hotline you get a free companion workbook to follow along with the deep-dive exercises.